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摘要: 万不要小瞧流血 7 天还不死的生物 Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. ...

最佳损友

摘要: 谁的人生没有几个损友路过? Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas ...
摘要: 每个熊孩子的心中都住着一只熊妈妈 Today, I had to explain to my mother that it is inappropriate(adj. 不适当的;不相称的) to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML 我男朋友带着父母一起来我们家吃饭,结果我妈当着人家爸妈的面把我男朋友给揍了,谁能告诉我这事儿该怎么解决。FML Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and ...
摘要: 宝宝心里苦,可是宝宝不说 Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FM ...

家里有个熊孩子

摘要: 七岁的小男孩是地球上最可怕的生物,他们有好奇心、行动力、破坏力以及《未成年人保护法》 Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it ...
首先简单说一下面试,一场面试,候选人和面试官,对立的双方,在进行一场几乎是自己智商极限的对决,面试官初始占据一些优势,但是一旦在面试的过程中把握不好,错失掉自己的主动,往往也会被人指责没有能力,技术一 ...
摘要: 嗯,如果你跟一个人有仇就送他一直哈士奇 Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML 楼主是狗狗美容师,在 ...
摘要: 如果发生争吵,一定至少有一方有错;而女人从不认错,所以只能男人有错;就算男人无错,惹女人生气,也铁定有错;如再不肯认错,岂非错上加错?你看,逻辑就是逻辑,女人们的逻辑无可辩驳~~~ Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML 刚才我15岁的女友告诉我她怀孕了,这不是重点,重点是她老爸是个退伍兵,每回去他家 ...
Today, a man reminded me five times how much of a "nice guy" he was during our first conversation, saying also that I seem the sort to date the "bad guys" because I looked sweet and innocent. Then, without waiting for me to say something, he sighed and walked away, muttering that ...
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML 现在的小孩儿真逆天了,今天白天我老公骗我闺女说她是我吃西瓜籽儿生出来的,结果你猜怎么着, ...
Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML 楼主暗恋一个女孩儿,就买了一束玫瑰然后偷偷的放在她的门前,署名“默默地爱着你的”,然后她出来了,看到了花,于是打电话问 ...
Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML 晚上跟我男朋友一起睡的,他靠近窗户,此为前提,清晨醒来的时候感觉全身舒坦就对着初起的阳光伸了伸懒腰然后深出了一口浊气,还没等我懒腰深完就看到我男朋友一脸惊恐的看着 ...
摘要: 狗急了会跳墙,兔子急了能蹬鹰,这鸽子急了。。。 Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out t ...
Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML 一不小心就会错过一打妹子,   。今儿在公交车上遇到一妹子,好感顿生,于是搭讪,妹子也对我蛮有好感,两个人从公交站一直聊到我们办公楼,一进电梯反应过来,没要电话呢我去,活该单身狗。FML Today, I ...
Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML 参加了一个宗教 ...
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